Changes

So,... 

I've been told I should blog, help to get it all out

All the confusion and the upset possibly a little anger too. 

I literally am unsure of how I feel right now

Separating from someone who I've been with for 3 years hurts... I wanted it I was the one that chose it yet I feel like I'm the only one that seems to be hurting. Most days I could scream and cry into a pillow but I don't, I am sick of crying, I've spent pretty much the last 8 months doing it!!!

So I need to move on, yet can't properly until everything is officially sorted,

Dave will move out in a couple of weeks, Imogen will then be back and forth between us both, however much I enjoy and beg for time alone; when she is gone I miss her so terribly. 

I'm scared to be alone... I've never had to really be on my own before not properly

Relationships have ended and I've been upset but I was at home surrounded by my family and when I got fed up of them I'd have my friends plus those previous relationships obviously were never like this one. 

Ill be on my own completely, in a house with Imogen some days, alone on others.

I want to be able to enjoy that freedom and embrace it, take up every opportunity of adventure possible, but at the moment I don't feel like there will be many. This is what I hate the fact I'm feeling negative and down

I want to rant at my friends because they haven't been here for me... I've gained new friends from my college course don't get me wrong and some in particular I'm incredibly close to. 

However I have never ditched my closest friends, yes I haven't gone out with them all the time but that was a mixture of being busy as a mum, a college student, a girlfriend and other times its because I wasn't invited to go along. I'm going through probably the hardest time in my life and they have vanished when all I want is for them to be close. I'm not expecting or asking for much off them just a cuddle a catchup and some ridiculously overpriced calorific food

I've seemed to have lost a friend who for some reason has completely stopped talking to me, this is due to the fact she is going out with an ex of mine, yes he was a big part of my life a few years ago but I hate the fact she must think so low of me that I wouldn't be her friend because of it, I genuinely am happy for her I just hate the fact she has fucked off because of what she has done...

Is it that I'm 'Learning who my real friends are' or what?