May

Feel the need to blog, 

Since the last blog 13, I've gotten myself a car,... which is great as the search for cars was getting tedious. 
I've only gone and ended up with a convertible haha, oh dear this could be a bad idea. 

Never had a car that wasn't black

Have had an awesome couple of months hanging out with an old friend who has been like a breath of fresh air into life and let me enjoy the finer things in life and just let me chill out. 




Work... I hopefully will know in 2 days if my job will continue past August or not. Fingers Crossed ey,... cant be looking for a job in a month or two as that sounds all kinds of depressing :( 





Taken Imogen to London for her first time which was amazing. She loved travelling on the train down, she had totally no fear of being at the top of the Shard and she certainly enjoyed the whole experience. She's an incredibly lucky two year old. 

So I'm currently counting down the days till my holiday at the end of August and I genuinely cannot wait! It will be awesome :) 














Also had such a great couple of outings with my girlies, Paige, Katie & Gabby. They are a hell of a group of friends to have and I cannot wait for the next couple of hopefully sunny months to enjoy the wether and maybe throw in a few road trips!

And to finish off this blog its 24 Days until Rosie is due with my little niece :) I so cannot wait for her to arrive safely such exciting stuff. Rosie had a baby shower at the begining of this month which I got to go over to Aber to enjoy it with her!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!

<3

13

So it is quite simple the question in which I am asking;

could 13 be my lucky number?

Everyone has their suspicions into what 2013 has to hold for them - 

So far I could answer that on each month;

January - Lucky

February - Unlucky 

March - Unlucky

April - Lucky

This year so far I've had a holiday to Gran Canaria with my little girl, I've had trouble and upset from a odious person, my working hours have increased, I've had a crash in my car leaving myself car less at present & I've gotten to see Emeli Sande - so although I would say the negative have been a huge impact on my life the positive are outweighing the negative 75/25

On the agenda next I will hopefully complete the following;

Pink in Concert - April

Sky Dive & becoming an Aunty - June

Race for life -  July

V Festival & Holiday Abroad with Tiny Tot - August

My 21st & Imogen's 3rd Birthdays and an A-Level at College - September

So yes... things look like they could carry on being completely on the positive scale of life

Life should be a privilege not a right

Hello 2013 - you're moving fast!

Wow the 18th of March already, this year is getting on a bit I don't think I've had time to sit down until now and actually think about it! 

It's been a fair amount of time now since I last blogged; a hell of a lot happened last year big changes but I know and especially when I look back now I realise these changes were all for the right reasons and for that I am extremely happy.

So lets sum the months so far; 

 

January -

I spent the first 14 days in Maspalomas, Gran Canaria what can I say other than AMAZING!!!! I needed this holiday and I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoyed it. Home is where I didn't want to return. I don't believe I've ever had the 'holiday blues' until now... Also it was a special holiday due to it being Imogens first holiday abroad :D 

So I got straight back to work about 7 hours after I arrived home - not impressed, I didn't plan that particularly well. 
Then for the rest of the month I was pretty much working and getting back into the great English weather - yes we arrived home to snow - it was expected though so cant blame planning this time. 


Oh and I bought my Ice Skates FINALLY,  £115 and I am overly happy with them in fact I love them but then I got too eager, I tried wearing them in at home like the woman told me which I successfully did for a few days then I decided to go to the Gym for three hours, do a half hour spin class then drive to Birmingham and skate for three hours followed by my weekly shop around Tesco - its safe to say I Fucked up my foot - so its taken a while to heal but back on the Ice this month - maybe more sensible this time though :) 

February -

I went on a date with a guy I had been 'dating' before my holiday, it was our 9th date and we had a coffee catch up followed by the cinemas ( FLIGHT - Denzel Washington - Great film, just throwing it out there!) 
- but this guy after this date stopped contacting me ... maybe he wasnt a fan of the film :') well thats the excuse I shall use. 

I started talking to a new guy after my friends persuaded me to 'GET OUT THERE' which was following off their conversation they had with me before I went abroad, I had nothing to loose so why not.

Spent most of February catching up with my friends LOTS, and seeing this new guy as we both had time off work so it meant we could meet up quite a bit especially since he only lives minutes away which was a first.

However Feb also had its downsides, things have got significantly bad with the Ex David that I had to seek advice and get a solicitor to sort out contact with him regarding Imogen. The stress has started to build, but after reading the few blogs from last year I do not under any circumstance need that again.

 

March -

 

Katie, Paige & Gabby <3

Well I thoroughly enjoyed my first night out of the year with my girlie's on the 2nd March and caught up with a few old friends that night - it was fun - Gabby was hilariously drunk so we shipped her off home safely. Paigey stopped at mine and we had a girly hangover day the next day. Although Gabby doesnt understand the Avengers and believes its a new version on the power rangers - but ill let that slide.

Then the following day I have the Police turn up at my door on behalf of the social services team to come and investigate allegations. They told me very little but wanted to check my fridge for food, check my daughter had a bed they did  this and their words exactly - "someone is shit stirring here" I told them of recent issues regarding my ex partner and they said all their checks were fine then next thing I know they are back and want to check my daughter over - check her body - strip down my two year old to check she didn't have marks over her - the fact someone had the audacity to even ring the police was sickening!
 
The next day after stress and sickness has kicked in I spend the day at home with Imogen and have that time off work, when a Police officer who works in the department of social services turns up at my door - she comes in, tells me the allegations and then checks Imogen again as the police the night before hadn't noted down that they had done this -.- Appalled is a bit of an understatement.   However obviously again - they have no concerns. She asked me a few questions and she tells me what has been said, all false information & allegations. 
So those days were a bit upsetting to say the least, but no matter how hard someone who wont be named tries to get at me, the harder I will fight - if you think you can try different tactics to get at me then your wasting your time - I am a hell of a lot stronger than I feel I have ever been. 

Now to settle things off for March, I had an amazing mothers day weekend with my lovely family and also went Go Karting with nans neighbours kiddies and my brother it was awesome. This this weekend I went out again with my girlie's and I loved every minute of it even more. It was a very interesting evening, i'd like to think I was incredibly drunk but we shall just remain with the words tipsy. Caught up with some old close friends and enjoyed seeing them out and able to hang out with them. Hopefully keep in touch with them more now :)  I had such a great weekend and I thank my girls so much for being here for me they are the best and I have become so close to three girls, - Katie, Gabby & Paige they are my rocks and I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for them the last few months.

Plans for next few weeks - Emeli Sande at the O2, Pink, New Tattoos, Catching up more with old friends <3 

So I thought about my blog today as I sat here eating healthy (oh yes, I'm trying to get back 'on it') as I have got to a point in the last two weeks where I've decided the guy I have been seeing isn't what I want right now, I know it sounds mad after pretty much a month but it isn't, he isn't and its not really him personally I think its more where I'm at as a person. So yes, I am currently sitting here pondering how I am going to let him know I guess.... BUHHHHH I hate things like this but hey ho I'm not going to settle for being with someone who doesnt make me happy when I don't actually have to - This is a lesson I think I have finally learnt... :)

As per...

Absolutely f**ked off,...again!

When you have so much hate and anger towards someone who you used to look up to and would die for; it just confuses and upsets me.

Why be such an idiot to someone you supposedly love, you'd do anything for and are dying and begging to get back with, it makes no sense what's so ever!?

Yes I get some of your logic and points you make in argument, yet you know I don't want you in my life as I have no trust for you and I cant bare for you to keep hurting me the way you do, so why keep telling me you love me, you'd do anything for me, you'd quit some of the biggest parts of your life and give up such important thing for me; when all you go and do is keep lying to me about the stupid little things, yet the things you know hurt me the most.

Yeah I get you cant wait for me to decide but if you truly loved me the way you say you do etc, why do all the bad things, why see these girls, message these girls, act like a completely different horrible slutty person in front of certain mates yet look like the perfect dad to all your colleagues and in front of all these girls?! 

I don't understand you, I don't like you, I want you out of my life as much as possible...

Please just stop hurting me

Imogen

Imogen Eloise is the single most important being to me and I love her more than I love anyone or anything else in existence!

I hope I can always provide her with everything she needs, not just material objects but to shower her with all my love; I want her to know that I have and always will be here for her no matter what.

She is my reason for breathing and she will never know how important she is to me...

I love you Imogen;

Lots of love,

Forever & Always

Mummy <3 

Tomorrows another day;

Time to blog; been thinking about this ALL week but finally got around to doing it;

Monday 11th June; 

I had my first ever job interview in the morning! Was scary, I was totally nervous and all those weird and silly mixed emotions you get before and after it taking place, I got a phone call middle of the afternoon,... I had only gone and got the job :) Over the moon wasn't even the phrase to describe how I felt after waiting so long for this job to come around

100% job pass rate right there haha

Its been a hectic month, I've finished college though which was a huge weight off my shoulders so I am ridiculously happy! I loved being at college, having the social side back, as a year off from education and having a baby turned me into one of those people who only speak in certain pitches and say silly words due to having a child, plus baby brain had set in BIG BIG time!

All I want to do now is PARTY HARD! 

I haven't had a proper night out since the 10th December; so am in desperate need to let my hair down!

Hopefully that night will be tomorrow :D 

Cannot wait - college girls and guys will see another side to me, well actually probably not, I was quite wild at college as it was easy just to be myself - which is always a bonus! ( spent too many years trying to fit in)

Been a weird day today, although I should be still on a high from getting this job, I've had to fork out money I don't have for an accident I had in the car last week, so that's a major downer.

Then I didn't have my little girl with me to cheer me up and have missed her as haven't seen her properly in a few days! 

For nearly 3 weeks now I've had this sorta skin irritation over the whole of my body, I went to the doctors after a week of it and trust me to go on a day where they only had a locum doctor in, anyway she said it was nothing. She sent me for blood tests in case I was celiac as of other stomach problems going on too but they have all come back clear.

I feel really down about it now as although it is as irritating as hell and all I wanna do 80% of the day is scratch, I've got scratch marks and cuts all over my body now :( 

I've bought creams, taken allergy tablets, but really need to book another appointment.

I 'googled' it and I haven't found anything that useful. It was just sudden and now its annoying!

 So anyway; it was throwing in down outside, it sounded awesome, had the window open a little, put on my comfy clothes and just had that feeling of loneliness, I just wanted to sit listening to the rain whilst cuddling up with my duvet and someone who adored me. I wanted to have lots of crappy food and just watch lots of films, fall asleep, wake back up, lie in the arms of someone who wanted just to hold me close. Soppy git and all but that's exactly how I felt. I hated it.

So yeah; tomorrows another day!

Stress; Size, Surface & Sex

Stress; Size, Surface & Sex

Does stress effect these other three; a persons size, what they feel and look like on the surface and their sexual actions?

Hate to be the person that seems like they are starting a sob story because that's not what this is...

Stress is a big part of my life right now. Stress can be positive and negative and you actually need both to have the correct balance in order for you to have a sort equal feng shui
However due to the amount of stress I am dealing with I feel it's got an impact on other aspects of my life...on my body itself.

I'm very self conscious, I have low self esteem and a negative body confidence which I hate.

I'm unhappy with my size, to many now I definitely know will grumble and that's fine. I'm not saying I'm fat, I'm saying I'm unhappy with certain parts of my body, I sorta should be proud due to the fact that I had a baby only 18months ago, I put on 3 stone, then I lost 3 stone however before I was pregnant I had the same hates with my body that I do now. So proud or not there are still those changes I want to make, plus 



what about the size of ones breasts? Is this me making a bigger deal that it actually is? Is it because family and friends mention to me that my bossoms are not all that big or is it because I spend too long comparing my boobs and the rest of my body to EVERYONE?!?!?!?

Surface...?
I have certain problems with whats on the surface; my skin it thrives on stress, it loves breaking out and that just makes me stress more.
Been a problem for a ridonkyless amount of time and therefore I've got used to it but I can't stop stressing when it gets bad which then also brings me down on how I feel I look. GRRRR

And finally sex...
Sex makes me feel a variety of different emotions.
I enjoy the passion, the intensity, the feeling, the naughtiness of it all, the fun, the fact it can be fooling around one moment and mean something so important the next.

Can stress effect sex or maybe who you choose to have sex with? I don't know that's why I leave it at a question...

The four s's are connected in one way or another and that's really what this blog was all about A) how I'm feeling about them B) should I left them have a domino effect on me or do I try and combat that a different way C) what is that way?