Stress; Size, Surface & Sex

Stress; Size, Surface & Sex

Does stress effect these other three; a persons size, what they feel and look like on the surface and their sexual actions?

Hate to be the person that seems like they are starting a sob story because that's not what this is...

Stress is a big part of my life right now. Stress can be positive and negative and you actually need both to have the correct balance in order for you to have a sort equal feng shui
However due to the amount of stress I am dealing with I feel it's got an impact on other aspects of my life...on my body itself.

I'm very self conscious, I have low self esteem and a negative body confidence which I hate.

I'm unhappy with my size, to many now I definitely know will grumble and that's fine. I'm not saying I'm fat, I'm saying I'm unhappy with certain parts of my body, I sorta should be proud due to the fact that I had a baby only 18months ago, I put on 3 stone, then I lost 3 stone however before I was pregnant I had the same hates with my body that I do now. So proud or not there are still those changes I want to make, plus 



what about the size of ones breasts? Is this me making a bigger deal that it actually is? Is it because family and friends mention to me that my bossoms are not all that big or is it because I spend too long comparing my boobs and the rest of my body to EVERYONE?!?!?!?

Surface...?
I have certain problems with whats on the surface; my skin it thrives on stress, it loves breaking out and that just makes me stress more.
Been a problem for a ridonkyless amount of time and therefore I've got used to it but I can't stop stressing when it gets bad which then also brings me down on how I feel I look. GRRRR

And finally sex...
Sex makes me feel a variety of different emotions.
I enjoy the passion, the intensity, the feeling, the naughtiness of it all, the fun, the fact it can be fooling around one moment and mean something so important the next.

Can stress effect sex or maybe who you choose to have sex with? I don't know that's why I leave it at a question...

The four s's are connected in one way or another and that's really what this blog was all about A) how I'm feeling about them B) should I left them have a domino effect on me or do I try and combat that a different way C) what is that way?

BLAHHH

I hate college assignments, its official!!!

Every time this week I've had chance to do some work I've gone upstairs, crawled into my bed and gone to sleep, is it because I am actually tired or is it because I find them so difficult that its easier to go and hide instead?

I asked for help off a teacher... no response ... This is why I never ask, it doesn't ever seem to provide any help anyway.

Does that mean that because I didn't hand it in on Friday that ill get bollocked by her ?

Or does she not care, she doesn't teach us any more anyway... Hmmm Nursing and Health seems like such a stupid subject to do, I don't get any of it... AT ALL !!!!

That's a lie, we've started first aid... A) its relevant, B) I understand it all C) I had my hand up the whole lesson answering questions which is something I NEVER do :) D) I suppose if I didn't get it I would possibly be ridiculously retarded or something ?! 

I've never missed an assignment deadline since the course began, now I think I did this Friday, I'm going to spam this teacher with emails to ask her why she hasn't replied when I've asked her for help, then when I get chance to see her this week I'm going to storm in her office and lay it out for her exactly how I feel about the lack of support and guidance she has given me since September.

So I'm going to try get a Science assignment done after writing this blog, or at least a little bit of it done, then I'm heading off to shop for my dads birthday which involves me buying him plenty of goodies because that's all he wants and its what he loves. He's like a big kid I swear he is... 

Sleeping over at Sams tonight, in the last few years I haven't been the type of girl to sleep at my friends houses much so I don't exactly know how I really feel about staying at hers tonight, especially since she lives with her boyfriend and shares a bed with him,... hmm bit confused as to where I fit in, I tried to persuade her to come to mine since I have a whole house to myself tonight, offered to take her to my expensive fancy pants gym for free where we can sit in a hot tub, sweat in a sauna & steam room then wash it all off in a big swimming pool... GRIM!

I thought she would be well up for the idea since she has been at work all day... NO she doesn't. 

Looks like I'm off to hers then 

....

Changes

So,... 

I've been told I should blog, help to get it all out

All the confusion and the upset possibly a little anger too. 

I literally am unsure of how I feel right now

Separating from someone who I've been with for 3 years hurts... I wanted it I was the one that chose it yet I feel like I'm the only one that seems to be hurting. Most days I could scream and cry into a pillow but I don't, I am sick of crying, I've spent pretty much the last 8 months doing it!!!

So I need to move on, yet can't properly until everything is officially sorted,

Dave will move out in a couple of weeks, Imogen will then be back and forth between us both, however much I enjoy and beg for time alone; when she is gone I miss her so terribly. 

I'm scared to be alone... I've never had to really be on my own before not properly

Relationships have ended and I've been upset but I was at home surrounded by my family and when I got fed up of them I'd have my friends plus those previous relationships obviously were never like this one. 

Ill be on my own completely, in a house with Imogen some days, alone on others.

I want to be able to enjoy that freedom and embrace it, take up every opportunity of adventure possible, but at the moment I don't feel like there will be many. This is what I hate the fact I'm feeling negative and down

I want to rant at my friends because they haven't been here for me... I've gained new friends from my college course don't get me wrong and some in particular I'm incredibly close to. 

However I have never ditched my closest friends, yes I haven't gone out with them all the time but that was a mixture of being busy as a mum, a college student, a girlfriend and other times its because I wasn't invited to go along. I'm going through probably the hardest time in my life and they have vanished when all I want is for them to be close. I'm not expecting or asking for much off them just a cuddle a catchup and some ridiculously overpriced calorific food

I've seemed to have lost a friend who for some reason has completely stopped talking to me, this is due to the fact she is going out with an ex of mine, yes he was a big part of my life a few years ago but I hate the fact she must think so low of me that I wouldn't be her friend because of it, I genuinely am happy for her I just hate the fact she has fucked off because of what she has done...

Is it that I'm 'Learning who my real friends are' or what?