Between the bylines

Laughter and smiles are contagious, they are literally the best if done properly and not full fake-a-thon.

That's who I am, a smiley chirpy person. I know a persons smile can light up the room and warm the hearts of the people around you if they see you happy.

I love my smile, I'm told occasionally that its beautiful...(bighead)

However, a smile is an action, whereas I recently seem to be smiling less and having an emotion, one that I think everyone dislikes, but I'm unsure if this is the right emotion I am feeling or am I just whinging.

I keep questioning myself, Am I depressed? I don't know? Do I want to find out? I'm unsure?


So do I want to go and see someone about it, for me to open myself up to a stranger about the problems that I seem to be facing in my life right now? Or do I just battle on through it. I thought I could talk to a lot of people, but now it seems many are fed up of listening, I don't blame them its tiresome listening to someone moan on about their lives like everything is terrible, especially when I know there are people are in a lot worse situations than me. But isn't that what friends are for? To listen to you in times of good and bad, I feel I'm there for my friends so where are they now when I really need them to listen?

Am I being hard on myself, am I whinging on or am I right?

I'm confused, angry and upset - these emotions are ones in which I dislike.
I need guidance but yet again those who used to guide me are becoming less helpful, when I feel this is a time I need them most.

Have I just got to be grown up and make big decisions in my life?







I don't know?